Ladybug's Adventures

Moving Tarot

2011-10-02T13:58:00.000-07:00

Webster and I have a big decision to make, and that is whether we should move to LA for work, Portland for work, or try to stay in the SF Bay Area despite a very unstable work situation. Wherever we move, he will probably have to travel to LA off and on for work. The advantage to living in Portland is that there is a good work opportunity there and we could be close to our older children and Webster's family, not to mention the lower cost of living and "green" friendliness of the place. The advantage of LA is that he'd have steady work with no breaks and I'd almost always get to see him at the end of the day, not to mention the beautiful weather. He'd still be traveling back to Oregon at least once a month, though, to visit the boys. Staying in SF is tricky, because Webster would wind up mostly working in LA, and dividing his weekends between the Bay Area and Oregon. There is no obvious winner to this decision making process, although I could talk your ear off about what's wonderful and horrible about each place. SF has been my home for a decade now, and I never had any intentions of leaving. My friends and coven are here, and I have a good job. However, it is not looking sustainable any longer, so we have to figure out what to do. Naturally, I wanted to know what my cards have to say. It looks to me like they want me to stay in SF, but I'm open to other interpretations, so please feel encouraged to leave comments below!


7 of Swords

Moving to LA - Pros

7 of Swords

This card has to do with sneaking, deception, trickery, theft, especially of the mind and ethics. I am not sure how this could be interpreted as positive? It is the clever person who works alone and has to make sacrifices.

9 of Wands

Moving to LA - Cons

9 of Wands, reversed

Despite feelings of fatigue, efforts are about to pay off. This is not a comfortable situation to be in, feeling that "failure is not an option," and we can't give up after all the effort made to get to this place. Lots of efforts are made to keep guards up, but those efforts will lead to success.

10 of Wands

Moving to LA - Overall Picture

10 of Wands, reversed

This is a card of success, getting what one wanted to achieve, yet the final result is that there is little passion for the project due to so much burdensome responsibility.

Two of Cups

Staying in the SF Bay Area - Pros

2 of Cups, reversed

This is a card of sympathy, friendship, goodwill and understanding. That makes sense, as this is where my friendship base is centered. I feel "in tune" with this place.


The Devil

Staying in the SF Bay Area - Cons

The Devil, reversed

This is a card of pleasure, sexiness, excess, power and control, and sometimes addiction and loss of control. Questions to ask would be along the lines of "what is so tempting and do you really want to resist it?"

The High Priestess

Staying in the SF Bay Area - Overall Picture

The High Priestess, reversed

This is a card of instincts and self-knowledge. It has to do with being still with one's innermost self and listening to the wisdom of the universe from within. It probably is pointing towards my high priestess path that lies here, with CAYA.

Page of Cups

Moving to Portland - Pros

The Page of Cups

This is a card of fresh and deep feeling, artistic and story-telling inclinations. This is a card of sensitivity and creativity, but in with a dose of silliness and perhaps immaturity.

Ace of Pentacles

Moving to Portland - Cons

The Ace of Pentacles

This is a card of the beginning of prosperity. It's like the seed that will grow into fortune. Since this is in the "con" section, I would venture to guess that it has to do with not having as much money, although the promise of growing wealthy is there.

Queen of Cups

Moving to Portland - Overall Picture

The Queen of Cups, reversed

The is the card of the nurturing woman, the one who wipes your tears and bakes you cookies and folds your laundry. She has deep reserves of intuition and creativity, and her emotional depth is uncanny. I'm not sure if this card is meant to be me, who is usually the Queen of Pentacles, or the land itself, or a new friend?

The cards for Portland look rather positive, too. Like I said, I would love to hear what anyone has to say about this reading in the comments below.

Daily Practice 2011

2011-03-22T14:27:00.000-07:00

This is the new daily practice the clergy of CAYA Coven will be using. It's like a prayer that you say every day. It was written by the gorgeous and talented Lady Rown Nightshade.

Calm, centered, honest, and true,

I give my love in service to my community.

With open heart and open mind,

I guide and tend the seeds of possibility.

My magic serves the greater good

And my will makes manifest my truth.

All these things I do with mindfulness,

As I tend others, so do I tend myself.

Blessed be.

In the Mother

2011-03-17T14:58:00.000-07:00

This is a poem which I wrote many years ago. I'm hoping that someone out there would like to set it to music so that it can be a song. Please feel free to contact me if you'd like to write the tune.

In the Mother

Sooner or later,

We will all discover,

In the Mother, in the Mother,

We're all bound to one another,

As sister to brother,

And lover to lover,

Forever evolving together,

In the Mother,

Revolving forever.

Daily Practice

2011-03-15T22:04:00.001-07:00

For almost a year now, the clergy of CAYA Coven have been reciting this prayer every day (given the vagaries of human nature):

I am grateful for all of my blessings,

The earth and the sun give me all that I need,

With plenty left over to share,

My energy is strong,

I accomplish my goals,

My wisdom, joy and love expand

As I walk in respect with (the Divine),

Blessed be.

I wrote this prayer and, after the Lady Yeshe Rabbit set it to music, I choreographed yoga dance motions to go with it. It was part of the "Wake up to Spirit" ritual that CAYA hosted at Pantheacon 2011. That means that a lot of people learned it, sang it and danced it. It is my hope that it blessed their day and that it will continue on in the world, shifting the world towards the beautiful everywhere it goes.

Gender and Magic

2011-03-01T23:39:00.000-08:00

I am a Dianic witch, and I also hold very dear the rights of all self-identifying women to have access to women's sacred space. I am personally committed to supporting all women, no matter what body they find themselves in, find magical space that honors their life.

Due to recent events at Pantheacon, there has been a lot of charged emotions lately regarding this issue in the San Francisco Bay Area pagan world. If this topic has affected you, please take a moment to read CAYA Coven's response to the topic of PCon, gender and the Amazon Rite of Lilith. It was not the intention of the Amazon Dianic tribe that anyone suffer. Any future women's ritual we may have the honor of hosting at PantheaCon will be inclusive of all self-identifying women.

It is my sincerest hope that all women have what they need to find healing and their highest good. I am more than happy to be of service to that end, whenever I am able. Dianic witchcraft serves only female-born women who have need of that blood mystery magic, because it is a specialized type of service. That does not mean that there isn't room for other varieties of women's circles, both in CAYA coven (which there are) and anywhere there are women.

I fully stand behind the rights of all witches to create mystery traditions around their own gender variance if they perceive the need to do so. There is plenty of magic to go around. Many people do not feel the need or the call to gender mystery magic, and that is also totally OK. It takes all types to make the world go 'round. I joyfully circle with all types of people when I'm not in Amazon space, and I also respect those circles which I'm asked to abstain from entering, like, for instance, the men's mystery group in CAYA called the Green Men. It gives me great joy to know that there are men circling together, re-envisioning the divine masculine and making a better future for themselves and other men. I learned recently of a coven that is only for men who love men. Good for them, I say. I hope they are finding what they need. If my trans sisters have or want a special tradition that is just for them, I'd cheer them on in their power, and also be honored to get skyclad and dance under the moon with them in another sacred space open to all women.

There is no lack of divinity, love or magic for all of us here. There is only a need for greater understanding and mutual support. Let's open our hearts to the infinite variety of love and magic possible, and remember that we are all in this together.

Fly Lady

2011-01-10T21:29:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been following the Fly Lady system and having a lot of success. Have you heard of Fly Lady? Www.flylady.com is a resource for people who need help organizing their lives, whether that be from excessive clutter, habitually getting behind on their housework or struggling to stay on top of life's demands. She starts you off with 31 easy "baby steps," the first of which is cleaning your kitchen sink, which is probably the hardest step I've seen so far, although I'm only on day 13. She asks you to make simple changes, like cleaning for only two minutes. Two minutes! I can do anything for two minutes, right?

I've had the biggest kick out of trying her decluttering system. Fly lady suggests that you grab three bins: one for trash, one for giveaway, and one for things to put away. Pick a room to declutter and set the timer for 15 min. Anything that you find in this area that doesn't belong there, but you definitely want to keep, goes in the put away bin. The giveaway bin and trash bin have uses which are probably pretty obvious. When deciding whether to keep something or not, Fly Lady suggests that you ask yourself some questions. One of these is, "Does this object make me sad when I look at it?" My husband and I were just discussing the other night how so many things we have around the house are just items we've kept out of a sense of obligation, even though the objects just depress us. We put lots of stuff out on the curb, which is perfectly acceptable in West Oakland, and we were so happy afterwards. It was surprisingly fun and a big relief to just get rid of stuff like that. She also suggests asking yourself, when you see that you have more than one of something, "Do I really need multiples of this object? Is there one I like best that I could keep and get rid of the others?" I know that we have multiples of many things for which we only truly need one.

Part of the Fly Lady system is the art of creating and following routines that help you approach your day with a certain level of grace. A good example is to simply pick out your clothes the night before. This is something I've always known some people do, but I had never done it, since I never perceived the value of the practice. I started trying it because it's one of the Fly Lady baby steps, and I wanted to give her suggestions the old college try, right? So, in trying out this little habit, I've discovered that getting ready in the morning is actually much easier. I never realized how much time was wasted in the morning just trying to figure out what to wear. In the evening, it's an easy thing to do, because I have the energy to have fun picking out clothes. In the morning, I'm tired, and there's so many demands all at once, like the three cats circling me like vultures, wanting breakfast, and all the various tasks of motherhood. I've been pleasantly surprised to discover that I pick out pretty outfits in the evening, much nicer than what I tend to pick out in the morning, when I'm bleary-eyed and cranky. In the morning, the clothes I decide on tend to be pajamas. I've realized that, by wearing a more attractive outfit, I respect myself more, and that certainly helps me approach the day with more zeal.

A word of caution, though... If you plan on trying the Fly Lady system, be careful not to go overboard. She is always saying this is a potential pitful for those who get overly excited once they start cleaning, because folks gets overzealous and then burn out. She points out that your house did not get messy overnight, so don't try to get it clean overnight. Just keep plugging away in small increments and developing good habits, and eventually you will have a home in good order.

Dragon

2011-01-05T21:29:00.000-08:00

You haven't heard from me in a long time, mostly because I found the challenges of motherhood more of a priority than updating my blog. There have been hundreds of times though that I felt the urge to write something about my experiences, but those ideas remain in the head rather than making it to the written word. If you are familiar with my baby blog, you'll see that I only updated once in the past eight or nine months.

I'm not happy with this state of affairs though. There is a lot that has been missed along the way that I wish I had recorded. While I can't really go back, because what's gone is gone, I can start from where I am and move forward, right? To that end, I have started a new practice. This practice will allow me to keep up to date on a number of projects while doing the things that I do anyway. I bought some software called Dragon speaking naturally, along with a Bluetooth headset, which allows me to simply talk, and it does all the typing for me! In fact, I have not typed a single word that you are reading here today.

Right now, it's probably not as fast as typing. The reason for this is that it's still learning the way that I talk. However, right out of the box, it's pretty darn accurate. I still have to watch the screen as I'm talking but pretty soon I probably won't need to watch the screen at all.

I'm hoping that in the near future, I'll be able to dictate several things: this blog, my baby blog, my art blog and my novel. Theoretically, I should be able to dictate while changing diapers, making lunch, giving a bath and all the things I do throughout the day. I'm pretty sure that I can also just record things into my digital recorder and then feed that back to Dragon.

Stay tuned!

Love,

Ladybug

Career Question

2009-01-29T12:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my employer gave me the final word on what they expect of me once I’m a mother. Taken out of context, this seems fair enough:

Opt. 1: Work 20 hours in the office. Work at least 12 more hours from my choice of the office or at home. Keep benefits.

Opt. 2: Work 20 hours in the office. No benefits.

The thing is, they’ve been telling me since before I even got pregnant that they were going to let me work part time from home. I had expressed to them that we do not want to put Raspberry in daycare. 90-95% of what I do all day (photometric calculations) could be done anywhere, so they seemed agreeable to letting me work from home. Since then, however, they’ve decided that my “main value” is in answering the phones (technical support), which I won’t be able to do effectively from home. This seems like a shortsighted misjudgment on their part to me, because I really don’t answer very many phone calls during the day or even that many questions over e-mail. The vast majority of my time is spent doing calculations. Even if I were only doing 20 hours a week of calculations, my colleague who also does calculations will have way more work than one person could be expected to handle.

The ramifications of these choices on my family are fairly obvious. Working full time, split between the office and home, is crazy. I’d be working crazy hours, trying to fit in time wherever I can at home, between taking care of a baby, being a wife, being a priestess, etc. Working full time from the office would be more doable, but then I’d be separated from my newborn baby for 4-5 out of 7 days a week, having to pump milk throughout the day in a side room somewhere. A lot of women do this, but it’s either because they really love their job or they really can’t cope without the money. I don’t love my job. It’s a nice job and I have no complaints, but it’s not fulfilling at all for me on a soul level, and I wake up dreading my day every morning. We do need the money, but, well… I’ll come back to that later.

When my boss told me the news, I broke down crying in front of her. I’m not a crier, especially in situations like this, so it was very embarrassing. She gave me tissues and chocolate and told me they have to think about their business. When I went back to my cubicle, I had to dab at tears for the rest of the afternoon, trying really hard not to make a spectacle of myself.

When I got home, I was a bit more composed, and decided to take a bath (my place of refuge) and do a Tarot spread on the subject. I have done this many times before with no problems, but, this time, my cat dumped all my cards in the tub. Now I was really balling. I yelled out loud, “I hate today!”

But then, it turned out that the cards were waterproof. It seemed like a metaphor. Honestly, it was the best reading of my life, as the cards really spoke clearly. For the first time, I heard guidance. I shuffle four times, for each direction/element. East said, “Lay out three cards. One if for going back to work on their terms (32 hours at least), the next is for working only 20 hours a week, and the last is for not returning and finding money other ways.” South said, “Ask that the motivation to follow the best path be obvious in the cards.” West said, “Ask that the emotional aspects of your choices be obvious in the cards.” North said, “Ask that the financial ramifications be obvious in your cards.” Here’s what I got:

For going back to work on their terms: The Tower

For working 20 hours a week in the office: 6 of Wands

For not going back: The Empress

Some quick and dirty explanations of the cards…

The Tower: “Undergoing a crisis, exploding, letting everything go, having a downturn in fortune, experiencing a crash.” It looked to me like my family falling apart badly.

6 of Wands: “Coming out on top, experiencing success, getting praise, experiencing recognition, putting yourself above others, feeling self-important” It looked to me like a person who is neither happy nor sad, but overly busy with a lot of people.

The Empress: “Nourishing life, giving birth, working with children, enjoying extravagance, having more than enough, luxuriating in plenty, feeling rich, feeling vibrantly healthy, harmonizing with natural rhythms, feeling connected to the Earth.” I don’t suppose I even need to add my impression. This one is pretty obvious.

I talked to Webster about it. We are both emotionally all for me staying at home and quitting my job. The only issue is finances. We decided that going back to work 32 hours a week is out of the question – it’s too crazy. Going back to work 20 hours a week means that, after paying for daycare, I’d be doing all that work for a couple hundred extra dollars a month. It hardly seems worth it.

I started my own business back when Webster and I met called “Gray Lady” doing photography, web design, and selling my artwork. I put it on the back burner since then, but I could start that up again. I could also freelance, doing photometric calculations as a private entity, rather than doing them for my employer. Any of those options would give me more money to work with than going back to work for 20 hours a week for my employer.

My boss said to take my maternity leave and my full benefits which I keep until the end of the maternity leave. She said I don’t have to tell them anything about my decision until then, and asked me to not close any doors, as they might be desperate by then and more willing to find another solution.

I think the cards are right. They always are.

Raspberry's Face

2008-11-18T22:47:00.000-08:00

I might be biased, but this is the cutest little face I've ever laid eyes on. Seriously, I have never been so enraptured by the face of another, even though it's all grainy and x-ray-like. For those of you who aren't sure what you're looking at, you're above Raspberry looking down at the top of the head and can see the eyes, nose and cheekbones. An arm is crossed in front. This ultrasound was not on my doctor's agenda for yesterday's prenatal visit, but my husband and I begged (sort of). We were hoping to find out the sex, but Raspberry was feeling shy and not showing us much. We caught a glimpse of a little something down there, but the doctor said it could mean anything - boy or girl. So we will have to wait until December 10th to know for sure. I'm super glad we talked the doctor into it, though, because I just adore this face. There were other pictures we took home, as well, but this one is my favorite.

Home Hunt Altar

2008-11-18T21:20:00.001-08:00

My husband and I are getting together our financing and looking for a new home, so I made an altar which sits on our kitchen table to help out.

What you're seeing in the picture:
* My grandpa - He was a master carpenter and mason. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of watching him build additions on to my grandparents' home. He understood about structural integrity, and I believe he'd go out of his way on the spirit plane to make sure we find a house which is free of physical ailments. At the same time, he'd encourage us to do things that we can do ourselves to make a place better, as he always believed that people should have such practical skills and use them.
* Hestia (on the right) - She is our household goddess. She looks after our home security and domestic affairs. She can help discern whether a home is suitable for us on these levels, and her input is important, as it is not a small affair to move Hestia's place from one home to another.
* Lakshmi (on the left) - She is our goddess of finances. We are asking her for assistance in getting an appropriate and helpful mortgage so that we can afford the right place.
* Large brown candle - represents the home. My husband I both carved words into the candle like "studio space" and "entertaining" before rubbing the candle with cinnamon oil for luck and well-being.
* Green candle for Lakshmi, white candle for Grandpa and red candle for Hestia.
* The green altar paper is sparkly and beautiful. On it I stuck stickers that say things like: "Home Sweet Home," "Home at Last," "Sold," and there is also a key sticker.

I am replacing the candles for Lakshmi, Grandpa and Hestia every night and relighting the home candle every night. I put some dirt from a place I wanted very badly in the brown candle on Sunday, and the next day (after well over 200 days on the market), someone else made an offer on the house that was accepted. That leads me to believe it wouldn't have been the right house, although it's very disappointing, as it was one hell of an awesome place. It's good, though, that it was taken away, as I would have pushed for it really hard, probably to our detriment. Thank you Lakshmi, Grandpa and Hestia! :)

It's important to us that the home not only have room for our ever expanding family and our art studio, but also that it's a great place for having CAYA-related get-togethers. We are really looking forward to hosting meetings and parties in the years to come.

If you feel moved to light a candle or whatever you do for others, we'd appreciate it.

Yemaya

2008-09-30T21:54:00.000-07:00

For our Dianic initiation, all of us spend three months at a time with a Goddess which represents the wheel of a woman's life. First, there was the Maiden (mine was Diana), then the Warrior (mine was Durga), now it's the Mother period. Next it will be the Crone. My mother is Yemaya, who is the great mother of all and the oceans from the Yoruba tradition. She is an Orisha. It's lucky that I picked her, since she is the patron of mothers, especially pregnant women. She is quite the lovely goddess, very nurturing and kind. My fascination with her originally stemmed from the images shown of her as a mermaid. I've been obsessed with mermaids in the ocean since I was a wee lass.

After we found out we were pregnant, it seemed like a good time to visit Yemaya and discuss our worries. Luisah Teish suggests a ritual in her book Jambalaya, which we adapted during our visit to Half Moon Bay over Labor Day weekend. In a local shop near the beach, I bought a concrete statue of a mermaid, which I held in the ocean water under the sparkling sunlight and asked to be my representation of Yemaya. I collected some ocean water in an empty 2-liter bottle which was laying on the beach, and both this and the statue I took home to be on my Yemaya altar in my bathroom. We brought a pineapple with us as an offering.

I cut the top off the pineapple. This was the time when I meant to insert a blue candle and light it, but, unfortunately, I forgot to bring the candle. (Sorry, Yemaya!) I suppose it was a bit windy that day anyway, so maybe it would have been a poor idea to try to keep it lit.

Then I poured molasses on top of the candle. It seems to me that Papa Legba appeared in the form of the "Brer Rabbit" molasses!

Next, I poured corn meal on the pineapple.

Then I placed seven shiney dimes around the pineapple.

I wrote her name in the sand, just to show love.

Then my husband and I faced the ocean, watching the sunset and speaking our concerns about Raspberry and finding a new home to Yemaya. We talked about what we'd like to be able to provide for Raspberry, and what our vision of a good place to live would be. I trust that Yemaya heard us and is helping. I sang a song for her which most of you know, which was written by Z. Budapest and goes:

"We all come from the Goddess,
And to her we shall return,
Like a drop of rain,
Flowing to the ocean."

We left the pineapple and the dimes on the beach for her. It was a beautiful evening, and it was good for our relationship to do this together. Before we left the beach, just as the sun was dipping into the sea, I called my mother on the phone. She didn't know I had just done a ritual for my "mother," but it seemed right to send love to the woman who gave me birth. The ocean is her favorite thing in the world, especially in this corner of the world, and she was delighted to hear the waves crashing across the miles (she lives in Ohio). Much love to Mom!

Raspberry

2008-09-30T20:51:00.001-07:00

Some of you may be wondering where the heck I've been. "Why don't she write?" you may ask yourself. Well, the answer is that I've had, essentially, only one thing on my mind, and I wasn't quite ready to share the secret with the world. If I were following suggested protocol, I'd wait another two weeks or so to mention this, but, you know, some secrets are just too darn juicey to keep, and I've been sitting on this one a long time. I'm pregnant!

Typical questions at this point in the conversation are:
How far along? It'll be ten weeks (2.5 months) on Thursday, Oct. 2.
When are you due? April 30th, 2009 (Taurus/Ox)
Do you know if it's a boy or a girl? No, but I will on Dec. 10th.
Do you want to know if it's a boy or a girl? Absolutely! I can't wait to find out.
Do you want a boy or a girl? I used to feel strongly about wanting a girl, especially since we have two boys already (from my husband's first marriage). Now, I feel I'd be proud to create anyone who is kind towards others and has respect for Mother Earth.
Do you have any names in mind yet? No, not at this time.
Is Webster (my husband) excited? Yes, he's so thrilled.

We are calling the baby Raspberry for now. Rest assured, Raspberry will get a traditional, probably somewhat old-fashioned name on the birth certificate, but this is the baby's magical name until s/he is ready to come up with a self-made one. Where did the name Raspberry come from? Well, Rabbit's girlfriend, Phoenix Honeybee, was talking about me one day, right about the time I conceived, and couldn't think of my name. She called me "Raspberry...?" and Rabbit was like (giggling), "You mean Ladybug?" All sorts of laughter continued for several minutes, Rabbit says. Well, it was so darn cute, and Rabbit told me this story on the same day I told her I was preggers, so it just seemed to fit that the baby was Raspberry.

Raspberry has just about everything a person needs in life, physiologically speaking, although in the form of a tiny body about the size of a Brazil nut (that's 1.5 inches). S/he is making 25,000 or 250,000 (I read conflicting reports) neurons every minute! At ten weeks, we go from talking about an "embryo" to a "fetus." If you could look inside my womb, Raspberry would look like this:

If you had been there at our first ultrasound three weeks ago, you would have seen Raspberry looking like this:

One of the really neat things about the ultrasound is that we could see this little flashing light about halfway inside that peanut-looking blob (said blob is Raspberry). The doctor said, "See that flashing light? That's the baby's heartbeat!" I tell you, I am not one to cry in front of people I don't know really well, but this brought tears to my eyes. The funny thing about early pregnancy is that it's so abstract. Even though there are multiple tests and symptoms to confirm the pregnancy, it's a little hard to believe it's really true. When I saw Raspberry with a little beating heart on the monitor, that's when I truly understood that there's a little person growing in there.

My gut feeling is that Raspberry is a stand up person and powerful witch. I had a conversation with Raspberry before conceiving, asking when we'd conceive. Raspberry's response was, "I don't think it should be up to me. You are the one who has to go through all the hard work and worry, so it's better if you just tell me when you think it's the right time." Then, Raspberry came exactly when I asked - no sooner or later - right down to the day (give or take a few days). Doesn't that sound like a nice kid? Recently, I was feeling kinda down in the dumps about being a pregnant vegan, generally out of worry as to whether I have the skills to get all of the right nutrition in me, and suddenly I had this vision of a toddler climbing on me, saying, "Mommy, Mommy! One of the reasons I wanted to be your kid was because of your diet, amongst other things. Don't be sad. I like it." Now, I understand that no toddler would be able to actually say all that, but such things happen in visions. This seemed like further evidence that Raspberry is fundamentally cool. The reason I think Raspberry is a powerful witch is that, when I asked to conceive, I asked for a super witch who had done all their work on the other side and was ready, willing, and happy to be our child, fitting into our family with joy and ease. I figured that there were souls like that waiting to be born in this day and age, and better one of these be born in my family rather than some of the other options out there.

In short, I couldn't be more delighted. All the other witches I know have no end of kisses, pats and hugs for little Raspberry, and they frequently sing and chant for her/his benefit. I love the idea of Raspberry associating songs, chants and dancing in ritual with the comforts of the womb. What a cool way to enter into the world!

Garden

2008-08-17T12:59:00.000-07:00

I dream of someday having a garden planted in the earth, but, for now, as an apartment dweller, this is what we have at home - a lot of potted plants on the outdoor stairway and balcony.

Above, from left to right:

* Basil
* Potted arrangement of Lemon Verbena, Pineapple Mint and Lemon Balm
* Potted arrangement of Rosemary, Oregano and Thyme

The two pots on the right are going to have to go into much bigger containers if we don't get them into the earth by next year. I kind of like the idea of having these herbs in barrels, planted together the way they are. Fresh basil is such a blessing, and I just love smelling each of these fragrant plants in turn.

On the side of the red bike is a collection of plants in various states of healing. Closest to the bike are a few cacti which fell off of a shelf about a year ago. They have managed to survive and reconstruct. One of them which has looked like a prickly man's package for years is growing a new shoot which will eventually keep me from laughing like a junior high kid when I look at the plant. Next, there are some orchids which are really hard to see in this picture, although there isn't much there, anyway. For years I had lots of gorgeous orchids and took great care of them, but then I went through a period of depression (I guess) in which I didn't water them for a few months. Ants invaded their roots eventually, so I put them outside and my husband has been watering them sometimes. Now, after a long dormant period, they are sending up new growth! I am amazed and awed by the resilience of these creatures. Closest to the camera are some miniature roses which my boss gave me and a coworker back at Christmas. No one in the office expected their roses to live, and that's why my coworker gave me theirs. However, miniature roses do live with plenty of sunlight and water, although they are going to need cutting back and either planting in the earth or repotting come the rainy season. I'd also like to grow beans and possibly cherry tomatoes in this location.

Above, from the wall to the camera:

* Hydrangea (It's a shame I didn't take this picture a month ago. The flowers were a gorgeous, vibrant shade of blue).
* Mexican Hat Plant
* Wildflowers from a CAYA ritual.
* Lavendar
* Aloe Vera
* Jasmine

Here's a shot from another angle (below). At some point, it would be fabulous to have a raised bed garden with vegetables and more herbs. I make my own compost from kitchen scraps with composting worms, but have nowhere to put the compost (it'll be awhile before it's ready, but, still, one day we'll have tons of super awesome nutrient-rich compost). I love the idea of having a culinary and apothecary garden, growing my family's food and herbal medicines. And don't even get me started on fruit trees and flowers! We also have a small apple tree (not shown) which was a shoot from the apple tree he loved at his former house. He has memories of his children climbing the mother tree, so it's pretty special. My wishes are that our future includes many, various fruit trees and a solar dehydrator.

Pentacle Pavilion

2008-08-05T23:20:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I was dreaming, as I often do, of our future home. There are certain traits that would be wonderful for this place to have, such as a good space for having group meetings and possibly rituals. After contemplating the lovely garden where we celebrated Beltane, my mind wandered until it hit upon this idea. Wouldn't it be fun to have a cob, iron and vine witchy gazebo? It's a round bench made of cob with an opening in the East for people to walk in and out. The floor could have a mosaic pentacle made from broken tiles and whatnot, while the negative space around the pentacle could be solid colors representing the directions made from natural plasters. There would be five points on the outside of the cob structure that could hold planters, from which iron work would extend and reach across to the other planters in the overall shape of a pentacle dome. Then flowering vines could grow up the metal structure and make a living ceiling, walls and windows.

I couldn't figure out how to draw the iron work from above while still showing the bottom, so here is the bird's eye view minus the metal frame:

And here is a model so that you can see how the metal would look. It would be neat if there were wildflowers growing around it in between the planters, and also a labyrinth path leading to the structure. Don't make fun of my labyrinth... I realized after I started putting in the color that this is a not really a labyrinth, but you can get the idea regardless.

Details to include: LED string lights, windchimes, a removable round iron table, weather-proof pillows and, of course, witches.

Inkwell the Kitten

2008-08-05T23:09:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures of the latest addition to our family, Inkwell the kitten. Inkwell is the son of my husband's parents' cat. Inkwell's mom really needs to be spayed, but I'm so thankful she made him. The other kitty in this picture is Timmy, who is 8 and has been enjoying his new kitten exercise regime. These two play together and sleep together... could anything be cuter? Willa, my first cat, is very shy and so is glad to see Timmy distracted. Inkwell rarely misses my daily practice nor just about anything else I do around the house. He's a sweetie.

Home Blessings

2008-08-03T20:06:00.000-07:00

Four weeks ago, I took a candle magick class with Rabbit at The Sacred Well. We got to take home two candles, a figurine candle and a 7 day candle with artwork by Phoenix Honeybee. Since I had a week until my new sons and new kitten would arrive from Oregon, I decided to do a 7 day home blessing spell. The candle magick class candles were a black cat and a home blessing candle. The black cat candle is used normally as a dispelling candle and/or a protection candle. Since the new kitten is all black, I chose to see the candle for protection in a broad sense and specifically as a "please bless the new kitty and the other kitties and help everyone adjust" type of candle. The home blessing showed a house with hearts floating out the chimney and a happy cat walking in the lawn. I put my signature self-blessing oil (apricot kernal oil with rose, orange and cinnamon essential oils) along with homemade rose incense into the candle to fill my house with love, luck and goodwill, as well as honor to the Goddess. On the black cat, I inscribed the new cat's name as well as the names of the other cats, along with many positive words, and then coated it in the same blessing oil. Around the candles was a combination of rose incense, chocolate (for good feelings) and more of the oil. The oil, rose and chocolate formed clumps.

The cat candle burned down very quickly, done on the first day. The 7 day candle threatened to not burn until I started singing to it. The top half of the candle burned very smoky and darkened the glass considerably. Then the bottom half burned much more clearly. This corresponded to the first half of the kids' visit as being quite difficult (new families often are, I'm told) and the second half being much less difficult. The cats are all getting along quite nicely by now, and the kids left last night. Tonight I did another home blessing spell. At the center of this one is a black candle. Even though it is a new moon and I feel odd doing a banishing spell, I recognize that this is needed. A lot of difficult emotions and situations arose during these three weeks, and I want to rid my home and myself of any negativity that hinders growth. I also burned white sage gifted to my husband and me from a good friend who is an Iroquois shaman.

Also, this was a chance to bless the willow stick Rowan gave me to help with dreams. She mentions it here in a comment in one of my previous posts.

It was fun setting up this altar, and I really put a lot into it, since it is important that I learn what I need to from my negative feelings and then let them go. Holding on to some of this stuff will not do anything helpful for my family. Motherhood has come on me all of a sudden, which has been a difficult adjustment, and I find myself needing to fulfill my responsibilities as I grow in love. The time of the Mother has started for my Dianic path, and so it has literally, as well.

Public Priestessing

2008-07-29T20:31:00.000-07:00

What comes after initiation?

So many of us have been more and more curious about the ordination itself. Personally speaking, I'm not all that interested in that for now. Later on, it will be a very exciting topic. Basically, I'm good with just letting the previous crop of priestesses worry about that, since most of it is a secret anyway. What I like to spend time thinking about is what happens once I'm a priestess.

Without doubt, I know I will remain heavily involved in CAYA and the Wildflowers. In December, we will start discussing the next batch of Wildflowers. That's exciting! Who will they be? I love the idea of mothering the next group. Now, I do not know if that is a possibility for me or not, since I cannot just decide that's what I'm going to do without having the blessing of Rabbit and the other Wildflowers. This is just me sharing my fantasies in the blogosphere.

Another idea that pops in my mind over and over is priestessing for the dying and their families. When my grandfather, Donald, died last year, I was profoundly impressed with the people who work and volunteer at Hospice. We were all there for several days, and they were like angels. They helped us so much and made what could have been really scary feel like a family event, albeit an incredibly sad one. One of my Dianic sisters (I will leave out her name not knowing whether I should use it or not) recently almost had the opportunity to help her uncle pass over. Her preparation for this got me thinking about how much we all could really use a friend to help us at a time like that, whether it's a spiritual guide or not. When I go, it would mean a lot to me if someone would hold sacred space and ease the transition, while also being kind to my family. Recently I was attuned to Reiki Level I, and learned that day that Hospice will let me in to do Reiki there. Maybe that is something I could do, maybe not, but the idea comes up, like I said, repeatedly. My grandfather passed away a year ago tomorrow, so maybe that has something to do with why it's on my mind now.

Another idea for public priestessing is writing. That counts, doesn't it? Some of us have been discussing starting a CAYA authors and poets hive. We have amongst us several really gifted writers, and writers need companionship and support at times in order to flourish. Just think of all the books where the author goes on and on and on about everyone they want to thank for making the book possible. Maybe we could make herstory?

In any case, for now just having roles in the upcoming rituals, as well as lots of ritual planning, is plenty of public priestessing. The heat is on, and things are more intense now than they were. Soon we are going to learn about aspecting, and I've agreed to aspect a deity for Samhain, leaving it open ended as to whom that will be. That is certainly something I've never done since becoming a witch, and I'm a bit apprehensive even in the midst of excited anticipation.

This initiation process is really tweaking and tuning us as public priestesses/priests. That is why I wonder where I'll be in the future and what I'll be doing. At the rate things are going, with my power revving up like never before, I can only guess.

What It Means to Be Feral

2008-07-29T19:54:00.000-07:00

At the last Grove of Artemis circle I was asked to give a talk titled, "What It Means To Be Feral, What It Means To Be Fierce." That was the extent of my instructions. Now, one of the things that people who know me in the mundane world sometimes find surprising is that I love public speaking. Honestly and truly, I really do. People are surprised because I'm so soft-spoken at times that they assume I don't have an "outside" voice. Back in high school I was in a mime troupe and an acting club. Both were church related, and I always had to play Jesus because I was taller than everyone else and had curly dark hair at the time. Isn't that funny? Can you picture it now? Ha! Anyway, I was so thrilled to have the opportunity to talk about a subject so near and dear to my heart and undoubtedly close to the hearts of the other women in the room.

So, when I saw what the assignment was, immediately my thought was, "Oh, I need to take another look at Women Who Run with the Wolves to brush up on some of the concepts in there." If you have not read that book, let me say it's amazing and life transforming... if you can stick with it. It reads like a term paper at times, and many people I know never made it all the way through. That said, it's worth reading all the way through. It changed my life. Back when I was teaching, I used to tell the kids stories during our long bus rides for field trips. They were insatiable for stories. Since I was reading that book at the time, which is full of fables regarding wild women, I retold the stories for the kids. They loved hearing them and sometimes could tell me, to my surprise and delight, other versions of the same story they had heard (expecially "La Llorona"). The point of the book, though, is to help women get in touch with their wild natures by examining the Wild Woman archetype.

Here is the talk I gave. It was actually ad-libbed, but I tried really hard to get these points across:

“What it Means to be Feral, What it Means to be Fierce”

Grove of Artemis - July 18, 2008

(adapted from Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, PhD)

· We are all female animals and, as such, we all have an innate, irrevocable, undeniable instinctual nature. All of our mothers before us, from the one-celled all the way through to the one who gave birth to us, have imparted an enormous abundance of wisdom to us both in our DNA hard wiring and through the lessons they have taught us experientially.

· We always have access to this reservoir of wisdom through our instincts. No matter how shadowy our connection with our indigenous self is due to neglect, over-domestication or societal oppression, we always have our wild woman inside. She is part of all women of all cultures, without exception.

· Disconnect from feral mind leads to imbalance both physically, mentally and spiritually. This is the woman who does not recognize her own bodily cycles. She does what she thinks she should do rather than what her heart tells her. She takes too little to meet her needs or even nothing at all. She doubts or disbelieves in her own magic. She stays when she should go and doesn’t let go of what needs to die. She fears her wild nature because society has told her it is dangerous and ravenous. She thinks if she embraces it, she’ll go mad and her life will be turned upside down, and she doesn’t believe she has the courage for that.

· Connection with the wild self is surprising safe, sane and not necessarily about turning everything all around and topsy-turvy. The connected woman is like any other healthy female animal. She is in tune with the pulse of Nature, the ebb and flow of her own being. She is intensely devoted to those she loves – her children, her family and her clan, and this dedication drives her to passionately care for and protect them. She finds occupation in the world creating, inventing and adapting to create a life in which she can thrive. She knows to let go when it is time and respects the cycles of life and death. When she has need of inspiration, she knows she can look inside for stories, songs, words, symbols and dreams to guide her, because inside are all her mothers since the beginning of time, as well as the Great Mother of us all. She does not tolerate abuse towards herself or anyone she loves. She runs after injustice and rights the wrongs she sees. She embodies the alpha matrilineal line and rejoices in the company of other strong, fierce, feral women.

· If a woman’s life is like a train moving along a track, the disconnected woman is sitting somewhere in the back, thinking wishful thoughts or sleeping. This shadowy soul sits back and waits for life to happen to her, and this is truly what is dangerous. The feral woman sits up in the engineer’s seat, facing the world with enthusiasm and curiosity, using her magic to lay the track before her train so that it goes where she wants it to go. She is safer, because she is alert and uses her instincts to pay attention to the world around her. She is happier, because she is healthier all around.

· The destruction of pristine wilderness and the subversion of the feral female psyche go hand in hand. The same societies that would “clean up” the wolves, the bears and the coyotes are the ones who want to sanitize the minds of women. We all know however, that the wild woman inside of us is our true guide. She is our indigenous nature, our connection to the All. She is our great wisdom.

Blessing Box

2008-06-30T21:57:00.000-07:00

Greywolf made a wonderful suggestion in his comment to my last blog (Helping Friends... How?). He suggested that I go to a craft store, buy an unfinished box, decorate it and use it to hold blessings for others. I can write a person's name, for example, and then put their name in the box to include them with anyone else to whom I'm sending good vibes.

The craft store had many types of boxes, but this star shaped one really caught my eye. The star shape represents fulfilling wishes, the presence of all the elements and stars themselves, the ancestors of us all. The box has two magnets on both the top and bottom, so that it will hold itself together if it's put together properly.

First, I painted the star red with acrylic paint.

Then I applied red gold leaf to the whole outside and inner lip. This was challenging, as the leaf is very thin and tears from the slightest of pressure. It will probably chip off here and there as the years go by, but that is OK, since the red paint will show through.

Then, of course the star needed glitter! This is super fine glitter, the stuff that really looks like pixie dust. It is coating the whole inside. It is also coating much of me as I write this. ;)

After the varnish was dry, I added a sparkly ladybug sticker. To her belly I added a tiny star shaped rhinestone. Now I have a blessing box, and I am eager to add wishes!

Helping Friends... how?

2008-06-24T23:50:00.000-07:00

I’ve had two friends recently ask me to help them magically, in addition to the various requests through the Wildflower yahoo group for magical assistance. My own requests show up on the yahoo group from time to time, as well. Want to know the truth? I have no idea what other people do to help when I put requests on the list. In a way, it doesn’t really matter at all, even if they seemingly don’t do anything. It seems to me that just by reading my e-mail, acknowledging the situation and lending their agreement with the intention, plenty of energy is summoned. Whenever one or two of them light a candle or… whatever they do… all the better. However, I am curious to know what people do when they do help with actions of some kind.

Lately, several of the Wildflowers have asked for their brothers and sisters to lend a magical hand to the welfare of their pets, which have pretty much been cats. All sorts of various cat issues have reared up lately. My own cat went missing for the first time in 9 years, and I wrote everyone asking them to send safety to my kitty while she enjoyed her adventure. When she came back after a day and two nights, I was incredibly relieved to find her completely in good health. Did someone do something? I don’t know. But I’ll take 10 witches tipping their hats to my cat’s safety any day of the week. 10 witches reading my e-mail and wishing my cat well is as good as any spell.

That said, I’d really like to have some idea what to do with requests, something beyond the tip of my hat. Some of the witches I know practice Reiki, and I imagine them acting as magical wing wo/men, adding something else to their list of Reiki transmittances. Seriously. I picture them doing something along the lines of adding a slip of paper with the idea written on it into a hat, and then laying their hands on the hat, sending Reiki energy to the whole lot. You might have guessed that Reiki isn’t really part of my repertoire… yet. One of the Wildflower initiates, Remy, is a Reiki master, and he’ll be giving a bunch of us our level one attunement in July, so soon I’ll have some idea what I’m talking about.

The non-Reiki practitioners, well, who knows what they do. The whole wide world of magic is pretty open, and so much of it is personal. At Rabbit’s store (www.sacredwell.com), there is a little community altar, in which people can light tea candles, sort of like at a Catholic church. Generally speaking, I think people make wishes and prayers with these candles. It’s like the candle keeps on praying for you, or keeps projecting the thought for you, long after you’ve forgotten about lighting it. It stands to reason that some witches probably have some sort of candelabra on which they place tea lights at home, adding tea lights as requests come in. Probably most people would only need a few going at once, whereas some might have quite a lot burning on any given night.

I don’t light candles for prayers, although the idea sounds very satisfying to me. It sounds very do-able, comforting and homey. My witchcraft has, so far, been mostly domestic, concerning my home and its inhabitants, so I like the idea of candles burning, adding ambiance to my home as they hold my intention for a sustained amount of time. As they burn out, the intention is done transmitting to the Universe. Maybe I will take up this practice at some point.

To be really straightforward, I generally practice sex magic when it comes to projecting requests. The idea here is that your orgasm lends your personal energy to the spell, giving it a really good boost as it projects into the web of existence. Some people who do this will draw a symbol which represents their spell, taking care to infuse this symbol with meaning beforehand, so that they can just glance at it during their orgasm without having to lose their flow by thinking over their spell at the wrong moment. Some will even add their personal juices to the symbol, especially if it’s more than one person’s. The symbol is like a doorway at that point, or a launching pad. I’ve done this before, but it’s something I reserve for big rituals. There’s got to be something really moving me to work it like that. On any given night before I drift off to sleep, it is much more likely to find me saying, “I dedicate that one to my friend so-and-so who asked me to send her good energy so that she can get a promotion at work...”

Now, mind you, this method is all well and good, but it’s a little too, uh, simple, I suppose, for the kind of work I’m thinking of. I want that hat with little slips of paper, so that I can include multiple workings and work a spell in broad daylight with children present, you know what I mean? I want to work through many spells in a day, but in some sort of organized way. One thing I used to do, and this might just need to be resurrected at this point, is tie knots. Whenever I needed to ask the Universe for a favor, I’d tie a knot while thinking about the favor, and then drop the knot into a special sculpture that I’d made back in college. The sculpture could easily hide a year’s worth of knots or more. I’ve heard Reclaiming folks say that such things should be burned yearly at a Summer Solstice bonfire, and that sounds right to me. I hesitate a little, though, thinking this isn’t it, either. I want something that really feels like an act of devotion, something that captures the feeling of giving with a happy, grateful heart.

Maybe it is the candles after all. Maybe there is something else that I’ve not thought of yet. The Wildflowers probably have methods and skills for this sort of activity, and there’s probably all sorts of witches out there who have great advice. So… any of you… what do you suggest?

Developing a Special Skill

2008-06-21T15:53:00.000-07:00

As part of my Dianic initiation, I am supposed to develop a special skill that utilizes my magic. Other women are choosing to do things like learning to read Tarot cards intuitively. As part of this process, they would do things like take a class on Tarot reading, read a card every day to represent that day, and do full spread readings for themselves and others… all to hone their skills. I’m not sure what all my sisters are up to in this respect. It would be illuminating to find out, and I’m sure we will all get around to discussing this at some point.

Originally, my intent was to do dream work. This would have included keeping a journal and pen by my bed and being very faithful about writing down my dreams, even in the middle of the night, for later reflection. When I was younger, especially much younger, I used to have lucid dreams. Lucid dreams are when you know you are dreaming and are fully conscious in the midst of your dreams. In such a dream, you can do things like say to the ugly monster that’s chasing you, “Hi! My name is Ladybug. Pleased to meet you! Would you mind not being so scary for a little while so we can talk about whatever it is that you’re trying to teach me?” In such a dream the monster will stop in her tracks, shake your hand, and say, “Oh, yes, it really is an honor to meet you, Ladybug. My name is Self-Doubt and I am here to explain how you sabotage your own efforts with your poor self-esteem. You would be much more successful if you only realized how cool you are and just owned up to it.”

To this end, I kept my diary next to my bed with a pen, and promised myself I’d record all of my dreams. I read a book by Robert Moss called Conscious Dreaming, in which there was a plethora of valuable insights into how to use one’s dreams to better understand one’s self and make needed changes in life through this uncanny yet familiar portal of power. One suggestion was to join a dream group, which I did. The women in the dream group turned out to all be witches, which, of course, was a big, wonderful relief for me, since then there would be no trouble explaining what I’m up to. The dream group, although its meetings are infrequent, has been very helpful. A few of the ladies actually have met Robert Moss and are much more familiar than I with his work, so they are good teachers. Several dreams have come my way since beginning this endeavor, and talking about them in the group has yielded much insight into my path.

However, like I said, there have been several dreams. Several… as in, not that many. I do dream at night, but I usually do not remember much. More often than not, I do not get enough sleep to provide space for dreams, which tend to occur in the morning after the body has had enough sleep time to repair itself physically and is ready to move on to the spiritual realms. So, in other words, I or anyone else needs to get a good night’s sleep and then sleep some more for the vivid, meaningful dreams. That is not a hard and fast rule, but it is generally the case. I am still learning to put myself in bed at night and not stay up too late. When I wake up in the morning, I am groggy and not well rested. I have no idea why I do this and why it’s such a difficult habit to break, but the long and short of it is that my dreams are at best infrequent. On top of my childish sleep habits, I have been struggling with super bad allergies for the past few months. Having a somewhat severe case of sleep apnea, I can’t really breathe and sleep at the same time without the aid of a CPAP machine, which blows air into my nose all night. When my nose is all stuffed up, the machine can’t get the air in, which is pretty uncomfortable, so I just don’t use it, and don’t get deep sleep in the process. This happens usually several nights a week, sometimes every night, so you can imagine how disrupted my sleep is, and why my dream work is an uphill battle.

So, it occurred to me that I’m really getting nowhere with this specialty. While I don’t want to abandon my dreams, and am not abandoning my dreams, I’ve decided it would be more worthwhile to focus on something accessible. While my diary and pen are still sitting next to the bed ready for dreams, I’d like to be putting my waking efforts towards a witchy skill that will serve me and others – something I can really develop this year as an initiate.

Looking back on the months thus far, my focus has naturally drifted again and again to herbs. They fascinate me. All those chemicals and energies Nature creates in our plant brothers and sisters are so abundant, useful and available to us. You can cure a headache, moisturize your hair, stimulate appetite and protect yourself from negative emotions all with the aid of plants. I’ve noticed that my cupboard is now overflowing with various teas, roses, hibiscus, cinnamon sticks, angelica, jasmine, chamomile and on and on. Lavender and jasmine grow profusely on my doorstep, greeting me daily with their charming perfume combination. I’ve always been a crazy plant lady, and so my little apartment has dozens of houseplants, and I long for the day when I can grow vegetables and herbs outside.

Here are some interactions I’ve had with herbs since beginning my initiation period:
* I made “Love Oil” as my wedding favor for 120 guests out of apricot kernel oil, roses, orange peels, cinnamon, cardamom and black pepper. It was yummy and sexy. I’ve heard various reports in regards to this oil, and let me tell you I am more than happy with the results. Just a few days ago, I discovered that my childhood best friend and her husband got pregnant the night of my wedding. She claims it was due to overindulgence of wine and good feelings, but I think the love oil had something to do with it, too.
* At a time when I was dealing with some, uh, “female” problems, I had a dream that told me to drink a tea made primarily of angelica along with roses and citrus peels. I did so, even though the taste of lots of angelica doesn’t really appeal to me. I drank it several times, since my dream had come through so clearly, and I was, as you know, longing to have communicative dreams. I had no idea what angelica was, and had never used it before for anything. Turns out, it’s been used since time immemorial for… you guessed it… female problems, amongst other things.
* We had a Grove of Artemis (www.cayacoven.org/Grove_of_Artemis.html) full moon circle about love, in which someone very kindly gifted me with a bouquet of fragrant roses of many colors. I saved the roses, dried them, ground them up, combined them with rose absolute essential oil and by doing so made very pretty looking incense that smells like something Aphrodite would wear on a date. I keep it in my bedroom in a little bowl, and the room, which is my temple, now always smells like the Goddess of Love.
* Z Budapest is always touting frankincense and myrrh in her books. Rabbit told me once that Z told her, “If you want the Goddess to listen, burn myrrh!” Whenever I hear of frankincense and myrrh, which is pretty often in magickal circles, I always think of the wise men that gifted Jesus with these incenses when he was born, according to biblical legend. So I bought some of each and have been burning them, even though I do not know which one is which at this point.
* I’ve been in love with mugwort for a long time, using it for astral journeys and in attempts to have vivid dreams. When I bought the frankincense and myrrh at The Sacred Well, Rabbit’s store (www.sacredwell.com), I spoke with one of the employees, who told me she likes to burn all three together. She said some of her favorite times have been when she was under emotional duress from unfriendly housemates, would close herself off in her room and burn these three herbs together. She said the peace and beauty, not to mention gentle companionship, of these plants would make her feel so much better, so safe and loved. So, naturally, I bought mugwort that same day and tried out her suggestion numerous times. I also used mugwort essential oil to bless a crystal ball after reading that this is the thing to do for them.
* There is more, but I think you get the idea.

So, I spoke with Rabbit about changing my “specialty” from dreaming to herbalism. She said that’s fine, and that several of my sisters have chosen to switch to herbalism as well, which is a cool synchronicity amongst us. She suggested that I focus on five herbs per month, so that I can gather in-depth knowledge without burnout. I think I will try to follow her advice, but I am going to focus on recipes for natural beauty products. I like the idea of blessing my body and spirit at the same time as well as perhaps making some fun presents for other people. I’ve bought a few books on the subject since then, and the recipes so far look really entertaining and most are actually rather easy. For instance, I can take some of the lavender growing outside my door, mix it with granulated sugar, and make a fine scrub for my skin, which needs it.

Rabbit and another Wildflower, Heaven, recently went to an herbal retreat/conference somewhere in the country. Their reaction to meeting all the other, mostly female, lovers of medicinal and magickal plants, was, “Oh, here is the tribe of Amazons I’ve been looking for all my life.” When I heard that, I felt a pang of envy and recognition. My gut moved within me, saying, “I want to go the herbal conference, too! I want to meet all those wise women, too!” So, we shall see where this takes me, and what use I may bring to the community by sharing my love of plants and beauty products with my sisters and brothers.

I am committing myself to writing a little book this year called Ladybug’s Adventures in Herbalism, so that I can document my learning and share this journey with others. It will be sort of similar to Like Water for Chocolate, although with maybe 1/50th of the drama and 1/100th of the knowledge. I’m working on the first chapter now, and, so far, I’m getting a really big kick out of it. After the ordination, I’ll find some way to share it at least with the other initiates, and, hopefully, they will enjoy reading it and find it useful, as well.

Magickal Gifts

2008-06-19T21:41:00.000-07:00

One thing that I find myself wondering about these days is magickal gifts. Other pagans and nonpagans I know have them, and I guess the idea is that we all do. Take Rabbit, my high priestess, for instance. She is psychic, reads Tarot like she's in a conference call with your higher self, knows all about the spiritual properties of stones and herbs and I'm sure there's more that I'm not aware of yet. There are others who are great at seeing the future, reading Runes, dancing in such a way that the inner Goddess of each spectator wants to shake and shout and others who are fabulous at all sorts of enterprises. Recently I learned that one of my witch brothers can visit the "hive mind" of the group and learn how we are all doing (in an ethical way, not like reading our diaries). One of my friends actually hears the Spirits of Tarot when she does readings... actual voices that explain the cards for her.

Then there are the people I can relate to... There are witches who have skills that are more understandable to my mind, like sewing beautiful clothes in good consciousness, or making charming artwork for 7 day candles. I think I am more like this variety. No great psychic insights come my way, really. Divination for me is like trying to run while waist deep in water. Honestly, I don't really know what magickal gifts I have to offer the community. What I do have are desires...

My various desires:
* Learn about herbs. Honestly though, I'm more interested in learning to make facial masks and other beauty products than the effects on the soul, but at least I do sincerely love plants and consider them friends.
* Paint portraits of deities. I don't know how much good this will do anyone, considering almost all of my paintings have faced the fate of hiding in the attic at work, far removed from anyone's sight. Oh well... maybe someday I'll get some courage and show them.
* Write stories. It seems to me there's a lack of good witchy fiction out there. There's plenty of fantasy novels, but not stories of realistic witches. This would involve a certain amount of dedication and discipline, of course, and so far I've not stepped up to the challenge. This is one for which I am definitely holding on to hope, so we'll see.
* Permaculture. Rabbit and the other Wildflowers have a vision of "The Farm" for our future. Lest you be worried, it's not as cult-like as it sounds. We will have to come up with a better name than that, because I will be embarassed by that one. Anyway, it's a great idea, and I have every confidence that it will come to fruition at some point. I just know it. When that time comes, I will help plan the architecture of the community and help build it, too, with my hands and heart. I picture living roofs, daylighting, thick cob walls, fruit trees, extensive gardens and chickens running around. Ah, lovely...

There is one gift that I suspect I may have. I don't know if it's unusual or if anyone could do the same thing. That is changing the weather. I heard Rabbit ask Hera once to "please abate the rain momentarily," with success, and once I saw a Rastafarian create lightning (OK, OK... that was in a movie). I very, very rarely ever ask the weather to change. After all, who am I to know what the needs of the atmosphere and Earth are? However, to my great amazement and gratitude, it would seem that the weather does care when I do ask for favors, even seemingly large favors. This is actually one of the key factors in my husband coming to understand my magic is real back when we were dating. Furthermore, a witch in my coven, when he did Reiki on me for the first time, said he saw me in his mind's eye standing on a cliff, with winds swirling all around me, commanding the weather. Now, I ask you, what kind of gift is this? I don't mean it in the sense of looking the gift horse in the mouth, but, rather, what is one supposed to do with something like that? Do I just hold on to it and use it as needed (a good example was making the rain and clouds go away on my wedding day), or is there something more? Am I supposed to be combating global warming or something? Or is this just a trait that all humans share, and we collectively use our power to help the planet maintain a comfortable equilibrium?

How do other witches discover their gifts? Do they just know, or is there a lot of searching and questioning?

Come to think of it, I think I might have one more that would fall into the first category of gifts I don't understand at all. Other people's emotions tend to filter through my own boundaries, and I wind up feeling them as my own. This can be really confusing and trying at times, but I think it has shaped me into a nicer, more compassionate person, since it's so obvious to me how fragile and lonely so many of us are. We are all quite sensitive, emotional creatures, when you get right down to it. Realizing the emotions of others is a good gift, the uses of which are pretty obvious, so at least I have this one thing to hold on to and call my own.

Who is Ladybug?

2008-06-18T22:32:00.000-07:00

Hello!

My name is Ladybug, and this is my first real blog. This is a place for me to share my adventures in life and spirituality while preserving my anonymity. Since I am a witch (the good kind), it is more comfortable for me to share my thoughts like this without worrying whether my grandmother or boss is skulking about, finding out how weird I am. ;)

I am currently being initiated into two spiritual traditions. One is the Wildflower tradition, which is the clergy of the CAYA Coven in Berkeley, CA. It is a very new tradition, with this being only the second year and a day go-round, so I will be a "2nd generation" Wildflower as of next March when I am ordained. I utterly love the Wildflowers! They are a group of women (men are coming next year) with an abundance of grace, love, style, power, humor and intelligence.

What is CAYA? www.cayacoven.org
Who are the Wildflowers? www.cayacoven.org/Wildflower_Priestesses.html
Wildflower training... www.cayacoven.org/Wildflower_Collective.html

The second tradition is Dianic. I'll be a high priestess when I'm done next March. The Dianic Tradition is an all-female, Goddess-centric, radical feminist, Wiccan lineage begun by Zsuzsanna Budapest back in the 1970's. Z is the author of multiple books regarding feminine spirituality, such as The Holy Book of Women's Mysteries, and was influencial to the path of Starhawk, the founder of the Reclaiming tradition. Z ordained Rabbit, my high priestess, who will ordain me, so I will be Z's "granddaughter" and Rabbit's "daughter."

Z Budapest... www.zbudapest.com
Starhawk... www.starhawk.org
Reclaiming... www.reclaiming.org

There is a lot to say about all this. Much magickal work and soul-searching comes with these paths. Being involved so heavily with other witches is a big step for me, as I had been a so-called "solitary" for, oh... about 8 years or so previously. Stay tuned!

Love,
Ladybug